You can change even when you're not thinking about it
It has been over three weeks since I last wrote. While I'm lacking some mobility in my arm, I no longer have pain from the surgery. I no longer have morning sickness. While we're still trying to arrive at the final treatment decision, chemo hasn't started. We traveled to California for my cousin Andre's wedding that also served as a fabulous family reunion and I felt like 'normal Nora' on vacation. It was so nice. I had no desire to languish in blogging over-analysis.
Over the last weeks, when I'm not required to think about it, I've been ignoring my diagnosis as much as possible. The less brain space I dedicated to it the more it seemed like this all applies to someone else. Not me. I'm fine. I'm not going to be getting twelve rounds of chemo before giving birth in November. I'm not going to do radiation as a young mom and then ten years of hormone therapy. No, they must have been referring to someone else.
Now that we're back in Copenhagen and back to the numerous doctors appointments that make up my days, for the most part I can still pretend everything is as it was. Until chemo starts next week and I lose my hair, I feel like I can keep being 'normal Nora'.
I guess the catch is that even though I'm trying to avoid thinking about all the changes to come, that doesn't mean that I haven't changed. You change even when you're not thinking about changing. For instance, I'm getting my hair cut short today so that I can have an expectation of what it will look like when it grows back next year. At first, the whole idea of chopping off the long hair I've had all my life gave me an alarming feeling of losing myself. Even while I was trying not to dedicate too much thought to chopping my hair short, the idea was marinating in my subconscious in the back of my mind. Now I feel pretty ready for the whole thing. How boring that I've had the same hairstyle my whole life. How empowering to make the change myself rather than just wait for my long hair to fall out in clumps. I'm not thrilled by the idea but I'm OK with it and I'm owning the choice. So I guess, given time, you can change even when you're not actively trying to.
Update: The hair has officially been cut....
Over the last weeks, when I'm not required to think about it, I've been ignoring my diagnosis as much as possible. The less brain space I dedicated to it the more it seemed like this all applies to someone else. Not me. I'm fine. I'm not going to be getting twelve rounds of chemo before giving birth in November. I'm not going to do radiation as a young mom and then ten years of hormone therapy. No, they must have been referring to someone else.
Now that we're back in Copenhagen and back to the numerous doctors appointments that make up my days, for the most part I can still pretend everything is as it was. Until chemo starts next week and I lose my hair, I feel like I can keep being 'normal Nora'.
I guess the catch is that even though I'm trying to avoid thinking about all the changes to come, that doesn't mean that I haven't changed. You change even when you're not thinking about changing. For instance, I'm getting my hair cut short today so that I can have an expectation of what it will look like when it grows back next year. At first, the whole idea of chopping off the long hair I've had all my life gave me an alarming feeling of losing myself. Even while I was trying not to dedicate too much thought to chopping my hair short, the idea was marinating in my subconscious in the back of my mind. Now I feel pretty ready for the whole thing. How boring that I've had the same hairstyle my whole life. How empowering to make the change myself rather than just wait for my long hair to fall out in clumps. I'm not thrilled by the idea but I'm OK with it and I'm owning the choice. So I guess, given time, you can change even when you're not actively trying to.
Update: The hair has officially been cut....
As a sign of gratitude for how my wife was saved from CANCER, i decided to reach out to those still suffering from this.
ReplyDeleteMy wife suffered cancer in the year 2013 and it was really tough and heartbreaking for me because she was my all and the symptoms were terrible, she always complain of abnormal vaginal bleeding, and she always have pain during sexual intercourse. . we tried various therapies prescribed by our neurologist but none could cure her. I searched for a cure and i saw a testimony by someone who was cured and so many other with similar body problem, and he left the contact of the doctor who had the cure to cancer . I never imagined cancer. has a natural cure not until i contacted him and he assured me my wife will be fine. I got the herbal medication he recommended and my wife used it and in one months time she was fully okay even up till this moment she is so full of life. cancer. has a cure and it is a herbal cure contact the doctor for more info on drwilliams098675@gmail.com on how to get the medication. Thanks for reading my testimony.
Thanks to Dr Williams I am so happy today, my wife have been suffering from breast cancer for the past 8 years now, and i have spent a lot on western drugs which has all proved abortive, i have tried all means in life to get my wife out of this , but there was no answer until i decided to try herbal solution and i found Dr Williams online and i contacted him and after she took his medication as instructed, my wife is now completely cure from breast cancer within those week of usage, i am so much happy, thanks to Dr Williams for helping me get my wife life back again without any form of crisis, i promise to tell your name and good deeds to the whole world,if you have someone with cancer you can email him on drwilliams098675@gmail.com for more information .
ReplyDeleteI am Sophie from Canada, I once suffered from a terrible and Chronic breast cancer ,since 30years now , the doctor told me there was no permanent cure i was given medications to slow down its progress, i constantly felt my health was deteriorating as i constantly go out of breath,and this illness was really terrible especially when am going out with my friends, i have this constant disorder for about 30 years, this was really a terrible illness ,on thin one day that i was going through the internet,and i came across a post of Mrs shelley on how his husband was been cured from colon cancer through the help of Dr Williams herbal product, I contacted this herbal doctor via his email and explain everything to him and make purchase of his product,few days later he sent me the herbal medicine through courier service, when i received the herbal medicine, i used it for 1 months as prescribed by Dr Williams and i was totally cured within those week of usage,on thin now i have not experience any sign or characteristics again . for more information you can email him on drwilliams098675@gmail.com for help
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